Boy, has it been a long time since I wrote for this blog. It has also been a busy time. I want to just admit up front that I carry a lot of doubts around. Not the least of these doubts is the doubt I have from time to time that I am really serving God as He would have me to. This doubt comes primarily from the fact that my congregation is so small and, at least from all practical perspectives, on a collision course with death. Over five years ago we began to have regular prayer meetings asking God to enlarge His kingdom through West Valley Christian Center. Now, I knew what that should have looked like. We would begin to grow as a church, preferably by reaching non-believers, and it would be a steady increase in attendance, offerings and ministry opportunities. Instead I was asked to help an Assyrian Pastor start a church. Then, just over two years ago I was asked to help an Iranian-Armenian pastor start at church. Between those we were approached by a group wanting to start a Spanish speaking church. Then, just over a year ago, I was asked to help a small group to deal with a pretty ugly church split and perhaps help them to begin a new church. All told, those groups now number around 500 people, many of whom are new believers.
This morning one of the churches approached me to say that they were going to be moving to another location. This is a good thing since most of their people come from that other location. But that meant that a part of what seemed to be an answer to our prayers was leaving. That was OK. But wouldn't you know it, within an hour I got a call from another group that wants to plant a new church wondering if we would be willing to partner with them in the process. And yet another group waits in the wings as well.
What does this have to do with my doubt? I have found that my doubts about my effectiveness for the Kingdom is closely associated with the realization that I will never pastor one of those high profile megachurches. And let's face it - that is the definition of success in the American Evangelical Church. But God is showing me that He defines success in completely different terms. I am not saying that pastoring a megachurch is not success. It may well be. But it is the faithfulness that leads to whatever we are doing that constitutes the success. I do not know what God has for my future. I only know that I must be faithful. I trust that what we are doing is a result of faithfulness. But more importantly, I know I must always come back to God and ask Him to examine my heart and show me if I am doing something to be "successful" in His eyes or in the eyes of my peers. The first is the only one that counts.
Pastor Ken
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2 comments:
As a active member and licensed lay minister of an about 150 member Episcopal Church in a small town in the foothills of western North Carolina, I would submit that the Lord calls us in very different ways. Certainly I have found a much deeper faith and have been much happier in this small church than I ever was in much larger churches. To me, smaller is much better than larger.
Ken, I appreciate your insights and introspection. I often times feel the same way. Where I thought God would lead me, or what I thought would be success, was not necessarily God's vision of the matter. I feel for the first time since leaving FT ministry at WVCC like I can actually see where God's leading me in ministry. I had to humble myself and allow Him to change my plans. I can honestly say now that I have no plans of my own, and I feel intense relief. I see WVCC's greatest calling as a conduit of ethnic mission within SoCal. I'm saddened that the English speaking congregation is fading, but God is obviously not done with WVCC. Praise God! Hang tight brother.
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